i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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