He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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