I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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