We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
