She said her name was "party"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
