i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's how pantless uber rides happen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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