we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
