Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
