New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
