Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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