can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
