So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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