you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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