Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
