this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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