If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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