The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
