playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
