I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
