I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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