Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
