I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
