That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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