She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
