the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
