i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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