hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
