So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
