I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
