sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
