Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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