so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
