Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
