splinters make it hard to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
