Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
