I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
