Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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