think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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