Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had to cum in my sink.
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