in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
