idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
