went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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