there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
