3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
