god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
