I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
