So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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