I think I am morally bankrupt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
