i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
