I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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