My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
